The Irene Adler Files
by harmless sociopath
Summary: If you'd ask anyone, anywhere, they'd tell you that the Irene Adler files don't exist. The government would deny the files' existence, and rightfully so. They have never heard of such files, and it would be better to keep it that way.


**Author's Note: this fic is M rated for a reason, although I do apologize if the descriptions seem rather cold, but that was my intention. I tried create an original concept with this fic. I hope you like it!**

The Irene Adler-files aren't paper or even digital files. They cannot be accessed by the public, as they are strictly confidential. They do not contain any codes or lists of names, and yet the information contained in the files could be used against certain individuals. One of those individuals is the woman who gave the files their name.

If you'd ask anyone, anywhere, they'd tell you that these files don't exist. The government would deny the files' existence, and rightfully so. They have never heard of such files, and it would be better to keep it that way.

The files exist but to one person.

And it would be safe to say that the owner knows them by heart.

(Or, because he had previously been under the impression that he didn't possess one, by head.)

The Irene Adler-files are a safe and secluded but not unimportant section of Sherlock Holmes' mind palace.

The files are neatly divided into different sections, some of them containing details that would make many people uncomfortable.

Irene Adler herself would not be among this large group of people. If she found out she'd probably be flattered, although she would brush it off with a sarcastic remark regarding the contents.

The contents of the first couple of entries is hardly shocking, apart from perhaps a few minor details, but nothing that would scare the average human being.

The first and most boring section contains the basic facts that are necessary, but not often of great importance: her full name, date of birth, place of birth, occupation, phone numbers, and residence (past and present).

The first part of the second section contains her character traits, both positive and negative ones. It also includes hypothetical situations Sherlock has put her in, only to figure out how she would react and what course of action she'd take.

The second part of this section contains every disguise she's ever used, to which he continually has to add more to keep up with her. These disguises contain details such as physical appearance, accents, age, and gestures.

Even though he has memorized all this, she seems unpredictable most of the time. She's always trying to get one step ahead of him, and most of the time she succeeds. Sometimes she manages to escape, most of the time he's capable of catching up on her.

The third part holds information on her physical aspects such as height, measurements, as well as seemingly unimportant trivia such as her shoe size, and the variable of her pulse during rest.

There is a well hidden sub-section in this third category, one that might lead to mild discomfort as well as a certain form of pride in the mind of the owner, who tries to ignore both of these feelings as much as possible. He keeps this for his own records, but also to annoy his brother, who most definitely wouldn't approve if he ever came to face this list.

It not only contains the five traditional senses in relation to her body, it summarizes the way these senses connected to his own body, and his body only.

He knows the details must have been very different for anyone who had been one of her clients, but that was in a past life.

One night, just one night had been enough to observe her, to watch her, to know what her touch was like, to find out what his musically skilled fingers could do to her in return.

He did not necessarily feel the need to repeat these actions, but if it proved his findings he would gladly take the time to "observe" her all over again.

This particular entry in the Irene Adler files could be visualized as the following:

**_3.2.1 Traditional senses in relation to sexual intercourse_**

_a. Sight_

_-Pupils dilate, naturally._

_-Closes eyes during kisses, merely as a reflex._

_-Keeps eyes open and focused on opposite party in all other cases of bodily contact unless bodily sensations get too overwhelming._

_-Certainly sees either the back of her eyelids or the ceiling when climaxing, as she throws her head back into the pillows. Evidence of the state of her eyes is inconclusive in this stage. Might need another round of observation._

_b. Hearing_

_-Breathing pattern: increasingly irregular as contact prolongs. _

_-During intercourse: not as vocal as people might expect her to be. Has excellent skills of self-containment. Is most definitely capable of what people would consider relatively classy filthy talk, but will hold back when this kind of language isn't appreciated._

_-Result of personal experiment: plausible; almost same orgasm noise as text alert, albeit louder and seemingly deeper from back of throat._

_-Likes to hear noises from other party as sign of approval, and will do her utmost best to elicit said noises._

_c. Taste _

_-In general: traces of an early shower remain, minor chemical taste in certain areas._

_-Findings on taste of lips contradictory; might be result of dinner. Lingering, but not overwhelming sweet flavor._

_-Skin slightly salty._

_-Regarding the vagina: unique._

_d. Smell _

_-The olfactory sense is the sense that most strongly evokes memories from the past._

_-Traces of perfume linger even after a day._

_-Impossible to disregard this entry at any time when smelling Chanel no. 5._

_-See point 1 and 4 of previous category._

_e. Touch_

_-Favorite erogenous zones include neck, inner thighs, and lower back; will immediately lean into touch when touched in either of those places. Will tighten grip upon other party during mouth to skin contact in said places._

_-Has a preference for biting into tender skin of other party's throat, as though marking them._

_-Tries to make as much skin touch as possible, has tendency to dig nails into skin._

_-Has excellent sense of touch and finding out what people like, and will exploit this skill._

_-Won't hesitate to teach certain skills and will guide hands and fingers in the right direction._

_-Proved to be more than fulfilling when orally stimulating men despite being more experienced with women._

_-Needs clitoral stimulation, left side of clitoris proves most sensitive and thus most effective._

**_Additional details to entry 3.2.1_**

_-Assumes dominance even if other party is inexperienced._

_-Will however be (relatively) tender when point one is applicable. _

_-Will always ask for consent._

_-Will make sure intercourse is safe._

_-Climax lasts approximately 7 seconds._

_Prefers to take shower right after intercourse; hygiene is of paramount importance._

It would be obvious why Sherlock Holmes intends to keep entry 3.2.1 to himself. If there was one person he'd ever share it with (hypothetically speaking) it'd be her.

It's her body, and the file in his mind is just a map, pointing out all the curves, the scars and birthmarks on her skin. That is what matters to him. Not some weak emotional link that they refuse to admit even when this link is only getting stronger.

Bodies and biology. That is what's important.


End file.
